In the current decade, dating can be a real torment. You may even be ready for a more serious commitment, but finding someone in the same life as yours is difficult. With that, the web began to discuss a new term: guardrailing dating.
The new expression enters the same hall as: “ghosting” (when a contact disappears); “breadcrumbing” (when a person shows small signs of interest, but has no plans to continue with the relationship); and “love-bombing” (coordinated love-bombing intended to “tie up” someone).
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“Guardrailing” comes from the English “guard rail”. The noun gives its name to metallic fenders, usually placed at the edges of roads or race tracks. They work as protections for runaway cars.
Starting from the functionality of the object that gives the guardrailing its name, the idea is to establish healthy boundaries from the beginning of any possibility of dating. In this way, you protect your energy and are protected against “runaway crushes”.
According to psychologist Shauna Pollard (via YourTango.com), boundaries are a way for you to meet your needs. Plus, it’s healthy, as it “starts with assessing your office space needs. affair“.
The therapist also advises you to communicate what you tolerate and expect (or not) from the relationship with the other party.
Moreover, she underlines that it is very important to do this from the beginning. And you don't have to feel any guilt about it. After all, communicating your needs and showing what you are and are not willing to do is what gets your relationship off to a healthy start.
In the simplest way in the world: opening the game through an honest conversation with the other party. This is simply a way for you to see if the person is compatible with you – and the same goes for her or your crush.
However, it is necessary that, first of all, you are really aware of what you want. Have you heard the music of Shakira, unavoidable? She sings the following: “I always knew that it's best, when it's time to talk to two, to start with yourself”.
So, ask yourself the following question: “What do I need in a partner or partner?”. From there, it starts to break down: what characteristics do you value most, what are your long-term goals and, mainly, what type of personality do you have? no can handle.
When you're ready, talk to the other person. Be firm, but be respectful of your crush's boundaries. Also don't pour it all at once! After all, you are getting to know each other.
Also, open yourself up to understanding the other person's boundaries. A relationship is a scale, where both sides have to give. Remember this.
Graduated in Social Communication at the Federal University of Goiás. Passionate about digital media, pop culture, technology, politics and psychoanalysis.