Before we start with the subject of this post, we suggest watching a short video. Let's go?
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As can be seen, the above excerpt is the trailer for the movie “Pelos Olhos de Maise”. Starring Julianne Moore and Alexander Skarsgard, the film deals with the troubled divorce of little Maise's parents and the psychological consequences it can have on the child.
However, more than the separation alone, the film addresses a very complicated subject: parental alienation.
The divorce of a couple with children brings, in itself, suffering of varying degrees in the little ones, from guilt, longing, sadness and a feeling of dispute. The thing gets even more serious when the spouses or third parties start nurturing negative feelings in the child towards one of the parents.
Basically, this is the concept of parental alienation, but it is far from just that. Considered a crime by Brazilian law, it is one of the cruelest actions that parents and family members can take in the face of a separation process.
Next, we will deal a little deeper with parental alienation and the consequences it can bring to children.
Law nº 12.318/2010, better known as the Parental Alienation Law, reads as follows:
“Parental alienation consists of the psychological interference provoked in the child or adolescent by one of his parents, grandparents, uncles or any other family member who is also responsible for their custody and surveillance".
Parental alienation is considered a crime for infringing the child's right to have a healthy family life.
This interference can be represented by the child's distance from the other parent in order to provoke negative feelings and disagreements. The theme was studied by the American psychiatrist Richard Gardner who proposed the term Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
The situation happens when father, mother or third parties promote the breaking of affective bonds through a kind of “brainwashing”. According to legal psychologist Andreia Calçada, the hatred nurtured within a dispute is one of the factors that trigger this type of attitude. The most common practices of annulling the presence of the other are:
The issue cannot, however, be viewed superficially. The separation process can be painful in such a way that the parent or close people cannot separate the marital qualities from the parental ones. This means that one parent can push the child away from the other in the impression of protecting him or her.
Over time, the manipulation of the child's or adolescent's feelings turns into a disorder that alters their consciousness. As a result, there is the destruction of the bond between children and parents, ranging from the absence of the child's guilt in accusing the other parent to the rupture of the relationship.
Andreia explains that, in Brazil, there is a certain restriction when dealing with the Parental Alienation Syndrome because it is not exactly a disease, but a family dynamic. The fact is that, being a disease or not, the issue has serious consequences for the child or adolescent and also for the attacked parent.
In children, disorders of the most varied types may appear, such as:
In the parent, the problems are not much smaller and may involve personality and psychological disorders.
And how to avoid parental alienation? It is possible? Yes, even in the most troubled divorce cases.
The separation process is painful for both parties and parents and children are not always able to overcome it alone. Therefore, professional help is more than necessary in an attempt to prevent the sudden logistical change from affecting psychologically. The new dynamic can be accepted more easily with the help of a therapist.
